Who am I? I find myself asking this question a lot lately.
And what determines my beingness, is it my career, my interests, what I read, what I do?
If what I do varies depending on my interest, doesn’t it mean I am none of the things above?
Attaching our identity to what we do is the reason we lose our sense of self when our careers and interest change.
After attending college for seven years, earning two associates degrees and a bachelor’s degree, to work in the fashion field, I decided to leave the corporate world where so many people found stability. But all I saw was a lifeless place where creativity was stagnant filled with monotonous tasks.
Still, there was nothing caprice about that decision for many years; my mind was daunted with thoughts of living a life where my identity wasn’t attached to a person or my career.
It didn’t take long for me to conclude that I associated my doingness to my beingness, and if I wasn’t doing anything, then I felt like I wasn’t anything. I wasn’t essential or respected and even loved. But as I questioned those feelings, I realized they rooted in fear, fear of not accepting myself. I had finally come to terms with whom I was, and that who I was in relationship to others did not validate my existence.
The more I learn about myself, the more answers I find. I realized the titles I once was eager to obtain are but just boxes created to conform me. The more labels I acquired, the less freedom I felt.
I became aware of the value I place on the things I did, and how inflexible I was to my ever-changing life.
Fear shows up in many forms, but it’s through our constant observation that we can understand and resolve it. How has fear shown up in your life?