Growth and development can only occur through the examination of our behavior and actions. Albert Einstein described insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Sex has fallen under one of those acts we never examine; since most people still consider it a taboo, we don’t express our real concerns. We become afraid of how we will be perceived and end up creating massive disharmony in our relationships.
Most of our intimacy issues stem from a lack of communication and our misguided expectations. Many of us expect our partners to know how to please us and we become disappointed when they fail. Yet, we never question our own expectations. How can anyone please us when we haven’t learned to satisfy ourselves? Someone I know said to me -you look like you are in charge of your orgasms. That statement created a chain reaction connecting me to moments of intimacy, which I began to examine. Although I appeared to be in control, I wasn’t; my partner was the one in control because my orgasms always depended on his performance.
But knowing oneself is only the first step towards a more satisfying love life. Communication takes on a significant role with a partner. It is open communication that creates the space for freedom and trust, and without these two elements, there’s no way to connect with another human being, one is but an object to fulfill a necessity.
We are all guilty of creating mental constructs that allow us to achieve climax, and without these fantasies, we become impotent, and unable to perform. The need to develop a feeling of arousal steals the very act of being present. If you are not present, are you really connecting with your partner? Are you feeling your partners body, the moisture in their hands; can you feel their energy? can you smell the aroma of their skin? I very much doubt it. We must get out of our heads and bring our awareness to the body to begin to feel.
Thinking is analytical. It divides, splits things. Feeling unites, synthesizes, makes things one.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.
Sex and love are not the same things. Sex is a powerful conduit to the exploration of the human body that can lead to the discovery of our sensory pleasures. Having sex with the intention to explore also takes the pressure out of the performance and allows us to have fun with the process, which ultimately leads to a deeper connection with ourselves and our partner.